mishmashocrap.org

so, basically, over the past month, I’ve been paying more and more attention to Slackpocalypse.com… and it’s become obvious to me that keeping two blogs is kind of a silly idea. So, if you’re looking for the self-mastubatory blog thing from me, from here on in it’ll be there, at my new baby and “official” web home, Slackpocalypse.com. Mishmashocrap.org… will still be here (how can i abandon my first URL?) but it’ll morph into something… else. Not a blog for Armungus, since I’m rather lazy, but something obtuse, to be sure.

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So the conventions are over and the roller coaster is back where it began.

For a brief second, McCain almost had me — you know, before I remembered he went and picked a book-banning anti-evolution redneck as a running mate. I mean, the moderate John McCain from the Nineties appeared to be back, crawled out from the grave just long enough to give the acceptance speech. He sounded reasonable, sane even. And this man expects children-eating Republicans to vote for him? But I’m sure his Corporate Overlords had a nice little talk with him after to explain that moderation is against God’s 19-point Powerpoint plan for World Domination and Profit.

Obama’s still the compromise candidate of choice for me, despite his own acceptance speech, which seemed to promise the creation of a social safety net that’s all-encompasing yet made of tissue paper, or something. Biden was an unexciting choice. I do not like Delaware. It stinks of chicken coops. Yet I’m pretty sure neither Obama or Biden would embarras our nation by trying to convert the Dali Lama to Christianity at a state dinner.

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Open on a festive wedding in ancient Judea.

In the back, a couple of friends are chatting.

A woman comes up to them in a panic.

They ask her what’s wrong.

Woman: We’ve run out of fish! Wine! Everything!

Man One: It’s okay… let me take care of it.

He reaches into his robe and pulls out an American Express card.

Close on the card and the cardholder’s name — Jesus H. Christ

CAPTION: American Express… Making Miracles Happen

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Been giving a minuscule amount of thought to The Big Problem facing content producers (movies, books, music — whatever) in the face of complete New Media Distribution (sooner or later everything’s going to be distributed exclusively over the Internet). And I think I’ve solved the whole thing. Just like that, yes. Let the accolades and ridicule begin.

The Problem: How in hell are content creators and producers gonna get paid now that everything’s bits? When consumers can get things for free, they will. In the near future, there will be less and less money to be made in creating content and putting it out there — thanks to so much stuff out there and the old piracy bug-a-boo, yada yada. And eventually no-one’s going to be able to make any money being creative. No more pros. As someone who wants to do this creative thing professionally, that’s depressing and cannot be allowed to stand. But beyond that selfish reason, if creative people can’t make a living being creative, we all suffer, since people won’t be able to give their all to their art and all we’ll have to amuse ourselves when we get drunk is Youtube vids of crotch-kicks.

The Solution: Content Surcharges. Here’s how it would work, in broad strokes. Internet access companies charge the consumer X amount for net access. A percentage of that amount, say, 50%, is put into a giant fund. Which is then redistributed to all content providers based on a fancy formula that takes into consideration bytes downloaded, unique visitors, and page views. (When I say all content providers, I’m talking ALL content providers, from CNN.com to some random blogger with his own web page.) The content providers then redistribute further — they take ten percent off the top and then give the rest to the people who created the content their visitors accessed. The more people who access a creator’s product, the bigger their share.

Totally fair. Totally universal. Totally non-Libertarian. But tough. This is war. And I want to get paid.

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George Bluth Senior had a saying: “Never promise crazy a baby.” Sage advice.

Along those same lines, I say, since we’re going to have to settle for a professional politician again, as always, can we at least agree this time to Never Vote For Old?

Not that I just realized this, but John McCain, he’s god-awful old, isn’t he? I mean real old. Older than my parents, and they’re getting up there. So old, I doubt he has a working grasp of basic technologies we take for granted. Does he even know what Twitter is?

The 21st Century is all about the transfiguring power of ultra-technology. Whoever gets the Big Chair needs not only to recognize that, but grok the tech — and the implications.

Screw elections. Who gets the White House gig should be a series of skill tests, with a serious technology/geek bent.

Start with Heinlien’s list of things a competent human should be able to do — “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.”

Add to that list: Level to 60 in World of Warcraft, open a Facebook account, configure a web server, troubleshoot a relative’s PC, recognize a quote from Star Wars, program a DVR to record an entire season of Venture Brothers, see the Technology Event Horizon coming… and so on.

I’m not saying Obama knows how to do all this, but he probably can do more than McCain right out of the box. And whatever he can’t do, I’m sure Obama’s kids can explain to him.

end-of-line

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So, the Supreme Court upholding Indiana’s photo ID requirements for voting thing… Man, that’s a stupid law. But not because it requires an ID — because it requires the wrong ID, and is much too complicated. Not to mention it doesn’t solve the real problem completely. The real problem — regardless of the obvious political motives behind the Indiana law — is that current processes aren’t implementing the Constitutional ideal of one person/one vote in a consistent, fair manner.

So, here’s my proposal: Just fingerprint everybody at birth or when they become a citizen (or, to catch the rest of us up, have us go into special collection kiosks at malls). Put the fingerprints and date of birth only in a centralized, specialized database every state has access to. (No names or SS numbers need to be tied to the fingerprint — names don’t matter for this, and without that identifying info, no one can whine about a “National ID”.) No fingerprint on record, no vote. And one vote per fingerprint. If your fingerprint is in there and your DOB says you’re 18, you get to vote. No filling out forms, no having to go get an ID, nothing. Just show up on election day, thumb in your print, and stroll into the booth to carry out your civic duty.End of problem, right there.

Next problem: Who should be allowed to vote in the first place…

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Yeah, you know what mess I’m talking about. The one that matters. The End-of-the-American-Dream wolf baying at our collective door. But it’s not to late to shoot that puppy.

One. Consume Less. Not only will it save you money but you’ll lose some weight, you fat bastard. Won’t need such a big damn house, either. How much stuff does any one person need, anyway? And beyond consuming less, be conscious of what you are consuming.

Two. Nuke Up. Electricity is still the future. Ignore the alarmist propaganda of the past 30 years. Nuke power’s about as Green as you can get. Seriously, the direct and collateral risks to life, liberty and environment are a lot smaller with nuke power than any other type — except wind and solar, but those are Hippie pipe-dreams and are too unreliable to stake our future on. Twenty new nuke plants — build ‘em all in the wilds of Alaska or somewhere else nobody gives a fuck about and pipe the power nationwide — would end our dependence on coal and oil almost instantly.

Three. Stop Voting For Panderers. Politicians keep lying to us and we keep voting for them. So they keep lying to us. If we started electing politicians who not only tell us what we need to hear and not what we want to hear, there’s a chance they’d also have the courage of their convictions to actually do what needs done and not just collect a paycheck. Demand honesty.

Four. Legalize It. Yeah. And not just “it” — but pretty much damn near everything that doesn’t cause physical harm to someone else should be made legal. We should have enough laws to keep the peace and that’s it. Any other laws are just somebody trying to enforce their often hypocritical and always suspect will on someone else. Let the market, personal responsibility, and enlightened self-interest sort everything out.

Five. Science Faster and Harder. Science can indeed save us — but only if we actually do science. Real science. And real soon. Throw money at it. Seriously. It’s important. Hell, college should be free for anybody who wants a hard science degree. And the first thing we should be science-ing faster on: Robotics. Which leads up to point…

Six. Give Everyone A Robot. A free multi-function general-purpose robot. To every man, woman and child on their thirteenth birthday. To do with as they please. To act as butlers. Playmates. Or better yet, work surrogates. You simply hire your robot out and enjoy life while they toil, living off the revenue your robot surrogate generates. The initial cost of the program will be offset by the elimination of Social Security. If everybody has a robot, we won’t need Social Security to provide for the elderly — robots can keep earning their owners a living until they’re retired at their owner’s death.

Seven. Abandon Earth. Technology isn’t keeping us from having self-sustaining colonies on the moon and Mars and maybe even some of the larger asteroids — our own timidity is. Time to leave the womb, folks. We don’t, we’re dead. One way or another. Keeping all of us eggs in one catastrophe-prone basket is a massively bad idea and just asking for an epic fail.

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